


el tiempo que se pierde no vuelve

by Kiyuan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:21:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28936203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiyuan/pseuds/Kiyuan
Summary: “Oh, Kun. Life’s treated you well, I see.”He barely manages to whisper a curt hello for an answer. There isn’t much he can say.What can you say to someone, once so special, that they were going to be expelled?
Relationships: Moon Taeil/Qian Kun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21
Collections: Challenge #4 — Awaken The World





	el tiempo que se pierde no vuelve

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the song Lo Vas a Olvidar by Billie Eilish and Rosalia. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy reading!

“Oh, Kun. Life’s treated you well, I see.”

He doesn’t think he loves him anymore, but there seems to be something clutching his insides, almost choking him, making it hard to speak. He barely manages to whisper a curt hello for an answer. There isn’t much he can say.

What can you say to someone, once so special, that they were going to be expelled?

Taeil looks calm. His face doesn’t betray any emotions. It’s unfair. Kun was the one who left them behind, he shouldn’t be the one feeling remorse, he shouldn’t be the one to not be able to speak. But then again, he doesn’t remember Taeil in any other way. Always behaving a bit older than he was, always carrying himself with steady steps. 

When Kun left, he had expected to never see him again. That was what he wished for. 

He doesn’t think he’s ever got what he wanted, maybe that’s the reason why Taeil is sitting down in front of him.

When the file came to his hands he couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to. For a brief moment he’d thought he was being watched and this was a trial, a proof to show his loyalty and commitment to the system. When lifted his gaze hurriedly, worry wrinkling his eyes, and saw his colleagues’ faces fixed on their fancy looking computers, caged in cubicles filled with mold, he knew his concern was stupid. 

The control they had over themselves was enough. They no longer needed spies to prevent a rebellion, they did so themselves. The system had had its ways to guarantee it. 

“I guess you already know why you are here.” He finally says with a rehearsed calm voice, but he feels sweat slipping down his neck. The air is humid and charged, like it’s always been in the Exports Office. There’s always dust covering each piece of furniture and the floor, breathing is sometimes hard. 

“Of course, but you should tell me. It’s your job after all.” 

Tael is mocking him, Kun can still sense that much. It’s the same tone he used when they were watching the news and didn’t agree with what was being said. He used to laugh with him, loudly and open. He doesn’t remember laughing like that in the last years. 

“According to the 1st International Law of the New Order, you are selected as a candidate for expulsion, as you are deemed a citizen of questionable productivity and profit for society. You lack what is listed as mandatory and fulfilling elements, according to the point 5 of the same law, that is family of your own and a profitable job.” He recognizes his voice as if he wasn’t the one speaking. “Are you familiar with what it’s being said?” Kun finishes with the polite question as he was taught at the academy. 

_You must put them at the center of all your sentences, so that they know it is their responsibility. The question will emphasize it and invite them to speak and defend themselves._

But not Taeil, he won’t find an excuse for himself.

“You are really good at it.” Taeil laughs, heartily. Kun can hear honesty, but also the teasing tone hidden in his voice. “You were always good at talking and hiding your feelings.” 

_Am I really?_

Kun wants to reply, because if he lets the silence stretch longer he will remember how it felt to be with Taeil. 

All his memories are green. Not the vivid natural kind, but the humid, suffocating one. It is the colour of the city, its streets and lights. He barely remembers other colours beyond the dampened tone of his cubicle at home, the streets he walks through every day and his cubicle at work. 

Taeil is probably the only warm reassuring memory he still possesses. He’s never wanted to dwell on them for too long after he left. They’d run away from police, they’d kiss only when they were alone and everything was dark, he’d touch his lips, his chin, his shoulders, his hands, so gently. He’d turned on the orange light of the basement where they gathered to plan a way to escape before they turned 30. It’d been suffocating, but colourful and full of life. He’d been so scared, when he’d seen his friend’s faces all hopeful, working to get out of there. He hadn’t been able to take it. 

“Would you like to defend yourself? This is just the first meeting,” Kun finally adds, he’s sure his face is a perfect mask of indifference. “We can work with you, so you find something... rewarding.” 

_We encourage you to use words such as “rewarding”, so they feel compelled to act. It is our task to make them doubt and relinquish control of their lives._

Taeil smirks at his choice of words. Kun thinks. He waits for an answer he knows it’s not going to come. Taeil is far too intelligent to indulge him. To indulge the system. He’s always been too sure of what he wanted, of what he was to let anyone sway him. That was why he attracted so many people, that’s what had attracted him. 

“No. Thank you for your effort.” It shouldn’t hurt so much to be made fun of. “You are doing great.” He wishes there was no irony in his words, he wishes for all this to be some weird nightmare from his past. He never intended to face Taeil as his antagonist.

He was 20 when he met Taeil. Kun had been naive, eager to know and to please. He’d grown up sheltered and unaware of what was happening, he hadn’t asked himself why he’d never seen anyone alone, why everyone seemed to lead successful lives. He was drinking when he saw him, chatting with someone who became his friend later. Kun had never been one to take the initiative, but he found himself talking to Taeil by the end of the night in that bar. They never stopped talking afterwards and Kun’s world suddenly became bigger, complicated. 

Every expectation he’d had before faded after Taeil had invited him to some of their meetings. He wasn’t much older than Kun, but he seemed to know what he wanted, what he really wanted and Kun was a stranger to that feeling. 

Hearing him talk felt more meaningful than everything he’d ever heard until that very moment. He had everyone hanging at his words, he had made everyone feel comfortable and brave. Kun remembers Ten drawing the symbols Johnny would put on the walls during night trying to inspire a revolution. Kun remembers Taeil encouraging him to research, to discover by himself what was happening. His awakening had been slow, but Taeil was always there to encourage him. 

“If you have nothing to add, this meeting is finished. It is my duty to remind you, you still have time for this situation to change to your favour.”

_It is important, by the end of the first encounter, to make them believe there’s still hope for their case. Remember to keep a strict gesture and to pronounce every word of that last sentence clearly._

Taeil doesn’t waver, he just keeps staring at him. Kun can only see amusement in his eyes, if there’s any pain he’s doing a good job hiding it. It is weird to sit down in front of him and not be able to tell what he’s thinking. Taeil had always been a steady reassuring presence, he’d never shown any remorse, he’d never regretted any decision he took, but he’d always been honest and open, feelings and doubts written in his features.

He’s hardened. He’s changed. Kun wonders if he’s still planning that escape in that basement, if Johnny, Ten, Jungwoo, if they’re still together, if they managed to get more people to join their plans as they always dreamt. 

“Can I leave now then?” Taeil asks. He’s resting his hands on his knees and doesn’t seem to be tired, if anything his posture only betrays challenge. 

Kun had always understood where his youthful admiration came from and seeing Taeil again before him only brought it back. He’d thought all these ideas of revolution, of freedom were left buried under the weight of the fear he’s never stopped feeling. 

The first time he’d known about the Export Office, he was terrified. Despair was a feeling he didn’t know. In a world where everything was calculated, being afraid had its timing and conditions. It was supposed to happen only when you were approaching your thirties, when the pressure of the expectation you were not fulfilling became a burden and a real threat. Kun had faced it much earlier than he’d wanted. 

He was in their basement, Taeil had been summing up whatever they had achieved the night before, Johnny had been lazing around on their sofa and Ten was barely listening. For the first time since he met them, he could see what they really were, just three people with dark hoodies playing and some flyers. They could paper the whole city and they would never achieve their goal. If they even had one. He felt powerless and ridiculous. What could they do in front of a system with such a power? 

“Sure. I’m glad I could help you.” Kun answers with neutral kindness. His smile is mechanic and rehearsed. 

_“I’m glad I could help you find your way” is the perfect ending. Remember to emphasize the word “way”. It is important for the subject to understand there is no possibility to deviate._

He can’t bring himself to mention the last part of the sentence. Taeil has never needed any help. Not from him at least, much less now when he was about to be the one to give the order of expulsion. It is brief, but watching Taeil standing up unbothered, tapping twice the table and giving him a lopsided smirk, he feels the same challenge and curiosity he felt when he was twenty. 

Kun has to stop staring for a moment. His eyes are fixed on the mold stain that covers a big part of the grey wall. He would like to be able to ask how he’s been, if what the file says it’s true, if they remember him, if he was hurt... 

_Before leaving, touch gently their shoulder. They need to feel your sympathy._

When he stands beside Taeil to open the door for him, he avoids touching him. As a goodbye, he nods lightly. Taeil mirrors him and starts walking down the corridor. 

The test is over. It was harder than expected. Without Taeil’s presence he can breath better, he almost forgets about the dust and the grey room and the green city. Loneliness isn’t new to him, so he doesn’t know what remains lingering round him that makes him think he’s missing something. After all those years, he doesn’t seem to be able to forget, every feeling is just quiet under the green lights and the humid air.

He’s been standing by the door for five minutes already, trying to gather everything of himself that scattered between those four walls in the last fifteen minutes. He can’t bring himself to think of Taeil’s voice mocking him, teasing him. The file, Taeil’s file, is still on the table. He walks over and drags it until it’s almost falling. When he’s about to turn around and leave the room, he remembers the tapping. Two taps, clear in the middle of the otherwise silent space. 

_It can’t be..._

He sits down where Taeil was, looks to his side and slowly starts touching the plastic under the table. He doesn’t hurry, he doesn’t want to be disappointed. It might have been just a silly habit, an unimportant detail, but he finds himself wanting to believe there’s something there. 

When he feels the paper under his fingers, he closes a fist around it and leaves the room. It’s not until he finds himself in his cubicle that he dares to unfold the piece of paper he’s found. He tries to encourage himself, he checks again if someone is watching him, as he did weeks ago and finally looks.

_You are still welcome_

A tingling feeling travels up his fingers and settles inside him. He recognizes the handwriting. He folds the message, puts it in his pocket and smiles to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my entry for the fest A little wonder and my first time writing anything similar to science fiction. I had a lot of fun with the idea and I'm considering to maybe keep writing about this universe.
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
